In Plain Sight: Park Avenue, Please

"area man" (hurrburgring) 08/26/2014 at 10:10 • Filed to: In Plain Sight

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Welcome back to !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , where I make myself late for things to stop and admire one of the many fascinating, Jalop-worthy cars parked right on the street amidst the hustle and bustle of New York City.

Between the terrible road conditions, dense street grid, abundance of pedestrians and maniacal cabbies, New York is not a friendly environment for cars. So it’s always a pleasant surprise when you come upon something unique and unusual braving the conditions, and such is the case with this 1993 Buick Park Avenue.

What’s that you say? A first-gen Park Avenue is neither unique nor unusual? Well, maybe not if you live somewhere in the South, where there are a lot of church parking lots. But for those of us in the liberal, salt-addled northeast, and especially in the city that gave the finest incarnation of the FWD C-Body its goddamn name, these are getting rarer as the 1990s fade further into the rear view mirror. Get it, because time is a car. !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! Which in this case is more than just a True Detective reference, as the Park Avenue nameplate does indeed !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .

But I digress! We are gathered here today to pay tribute to the O.G. Park Avenue, the one that hit the streets right after we beat the Communists and right before we beat Saddam, sandwiched in that special time where America was pleasantly fat and bloated from the excesses of the decade prior but not yet wishing it might have done a little less blow, otherwise known as 1990.

There are a lot of things I miss about domestic cars from this period – bench seats, an ashtray for every seat, horizontal speedometers – but chief among them are the metonymic names that automakers used to move lackluster products like the Chrysler New Yorker Fifth Avenue or Dodge Dynasty. Words and phrases (Corinthian Leather!) that sounded opulent or prestigious or luxurious were just the thing to reinforce the consumer’s belief that they had purchased a fine luxury automobile. It feels almost quaint in this current age of alphabet soup, until you remember that the practice endures in components like GM’s MagneRide suspension system, whose name partly relies on the common man’s belief that anything involving magnets is fancy and possibly magic.

Even though the two examples I used above were shitty K-Cars, the Park Avenue name !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , introduced as the top trim level for the Buick Electra in the mid-1970s. There it languished as a stand-in for THIS IS THE NICEST CAR WE SELL for over a decade as the Electra was downsized into irrelevance. Sad stuff, those late 80s Electras. Not even a front-hinged hood could make them cool, though !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! might.

But even before the Electra took its final, COPD-strangled breath, Buick was busy figuring out a way to keep the Park Avenue nameplate alive. Witness the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! concept car, introduced in 1989 as a showcase for the design trends the company planned to embrace in the years ahead. The cosmetic similarities to that decade’s Park Avenue, Le Sabre and Riviera are immediately apparent – the fascia, the rounded edges, the C-pillar and trunk line – but true to its name, the Essence nailed down the, well, essence of what Buick sedans would become in a few short years. I’ll let my man Edward H. Mertz, Buick General Manager (in 1989), !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! :

“Essence is a fine example of Buick’s future direction of providing premium American motorcars that are distinctive, substantial, powerful and mature. We use substantial not necessarily to mean size, but substantial in content, character and feel. Distinctive means you will not easily mistake a Buick for another car, even from a block away. By powerful, we’re not talking about neck-snapping, tire-smoking power, but the sort of smooth, reassuring power and response for which Buick automobiles have always been known. And we see mature as a word that does not mean old, but which describes cars that are fully developed, enduring and not faddish in any way – cars that are in for the long haul.”

He ain’t wrong! Of course, the puff piece !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! the “orthopedically designed seats” and extra-wide door openings “for ease of entry and exit,” so they weren’t exactly banking on a rush of non-geriatric customers. You may also notice that it ran in the Boca Raton News. Nevertheless, a year later the first standalone Park Avenue hit the streets looking an awful lot like that Essence concept - not that there’s anything wrong with that, and I don’t mean that like how my friend’s mom does when she throws it in after mentioning a person’s sexuality in conversation. It’s a genuinely handsome sedan.

Let’s start at the front. When the Park Avenue debuted in 1990, it was such a clean departure from the homely designs of the 80s that more than one contemporary critic !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! to compare its body lines to the Jaguars of the day . This seems strained now, of course, but that’s called perspective, asshole. Imagine going on Buick junkets for a decade and seeing shit like the Century and Somerset, only to watch the curtain go up on a pair of timeless headlights and a graceful return to the dollar grin of the late 1940s. You’d be prone to hyperbole, too.

Traveling down the side, the straight-lined design has aged surprisingly well thanks in large part to its low beltline and airy cabin. Quarter glass front AND back – now that’s luxury. The wide C-Pillar slopes purposefully down toward the trunk at just enough of an angle to provide the definition that’s sorely missing from most modern sedans. It’s definitely a more successful interpretation of the Essence concept than its fraternal twin – the LeSabre – rounded out with some surprisingly OK full-width taillights. It’s worth pointing out that once again the European market was given a more attractive version, complete with !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .

As for what’s inside? It’s literally a pair of couches sitting behind a kitchen counter, and I fucking love it. Those ribbed leather seats are outrageously cushy, there are buttons aplenty, and the lack of a center console makes for an incredibly spacious front lounge area. Whatever your opinion, it’s a fairly iconic interior at this point, a twilight testament to midcentury American automotive design. If you can get past the standard clouds of menthol smoke, it’s on the short list for cross country road trip vehicles for sure.

Under the hood lies the venerable !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , which is basically indestructible with regular maintenance, and sometimes you don’t even need to do that. It only put out 170 horsepower, although the Ultra trim featured a supercharger that boosted power to 225 by 1995. These are excellent sleepers, although unless I’m mistaken there was no suspension upgrade, so you’ll be doing a lot of wallowing. I personally love body roll, but it’s not for everybody (losers).

I’m gonna tell you right now, I’m not sure about the year. The first-gen Park Avenue ran mostly unchanged until 1997, but if I had to guess, I’d say 1993 since the nameplates on the side are on the back fender rather than the front door. The second generation, which some of you may recognize as the car from the computer version of the LIFE board game, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! for some reason. The Park Avenue soldiered on into the Bush years as more and more potential customers kept dying off, until Buick decided to ditch the stodgy name in 2005 and replace it with the Lucerne, a car that I wouldn’t recognize if it hit me but also had portholes. God, those pre-recession years. Shit was getting stale in the American automotive industry, you know? Just a sort of intellectual stagnation that permeated every facet of a GM car, from the decade-old gauge clusters to the bland, derivative design. And don’t get me started on those fucking portholes.

So, let us remember the Park Avenue not as a washed-up shell of itself, dying an ignoble death in listless times, but as the stately sedan it once was. This is your grandfather’s Buick, but the last one to carry that reputation with pride rather than pejoration. If you’re of a certain age, say, 25 to 40, its launch in the early nineties may have aligned with your grandfather’s own golden age, creating an indelible connection between the life cycles of man and machine; seeing a clean one can set off powerful waves of nostalgia.

Along with the Roadmaster and the bubble Caprice, the first-gen Park Avenue formed a triumvirate of nineties normality, reaching up and grasping the platonic ideal of an American sedan. A front, a back, and an honest, comfortable place to sit in between – what else do you need? This is not rocket science, and for a time the titans seemed to grasp that. May that time come again.

Tohru > area man 08/26/2014 at 10:38

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I approve of your approval of the Roadmaster and bubble Caprice.

Nice article.

area man > Tohru 08/26/2014 at 10:45

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Thanks!

MazdaMonkey > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:18

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My grandma still has an early-90s Park Avenue. Dark green. Always garaged, and less than 20K miles. She bought it new and she only drives it around once in a while to the store. Still, I can't imagine it is worth much.

Sweet Trav > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:19

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Good writing about one of the single-handedly worst cars GM ever built, which is also one of the best, albeit in its own right. 3800 V6, 4T60, These things never die, not to mention the plastic fenders.

Nice Article.

area man > MazdaMonkey 08/26/2014 at 14:21

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Just you wait.

mcseanerson > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:21

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A supercharged 3800 in a fullsize GM sedan is a no muss no fuss excellent highway cruiser. I had a na 3800 Bonneville from the 80s and that engine bay was huge .

graham > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:22

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Along with the LeSabre these appear to be the ghetto chariots of choice in most urban areas along the east coast. Normally found running at least one space-saver spare and duct taped passenger side mirror.

PartyPooper2012 > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:24

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I had 1992 with cloth seats - same rims as this. same chrome bumperage. Mine was seafoam green.

Best Damn 'Murican car I've ever owned! BEST.

Cops don't bother you because they think you're and old timer pumped up on viagra speeding your way home to get some from your sponge bath giving nurse.

Car handles like..well... a yacht
The front wheel drive means you will never get stuck in snow (terms and conditions apply)

Anyone have one for sale? I'll buy a running driving low mileage 1992 Park Ave on the spot! I miss her

area man > PartyPooper2012 08/26/2014 at 14:25

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Why did you get rid of it?

Fuel_of_Satan > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:26

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"Front lounge area". I like that!

I used to have a 1988 Bonneville SSE*, and while it came with bucket seats and a center console, it was enormously spacious up front. Well, I say bucket seats, they were more like 18-way electrically adjustable LazyBoy's. Someone skinny, like me, could literally move around and change positions as I would in my favorite chair at home on long journeys.

*Lousy choice of year, first year of SSE trim and last year before face-lift. Good luck finding parts.

PartyPooper2012 > MazdaMonkey 08/26/2014 at 14:26

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I will buy it from you!!!

PartyPooper2012 > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:29

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I was a bad boy and racked up 200K miles on it. Then while horsing around and dashing through the snow, I punctured a hole in the oil pan (Still don't know how). Drove it for a few days without oil so it began to knock. Wasn't worth fixing it at that point. Oil pan alone was gonna cost north of $600

Jonathan Harper > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:30

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Marvelous. Don't lie, you wrote this for Raph...

Also...trying to figure out where this is. Near Gramercy park?

cougarpanther > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:32

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My grandpa had one of these and drove it to over 190K miles. It was an incredibly comfortable car with a smooth ride. I don't know when we collectively decided that sedans all needed bolstered bucket seats. Give me a cushy bucket any day.

area man > Jonathan Harper 08/26/2014 at 14:32

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I may have done some market research. This is on Bleecker just south of Washington Square Park.

Gweeds > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:32

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My friend's parents had one of these when I was lead. The only thing I can remember about it was this awful security feature it had. No matter what, if a door was opened or unlocked, the interior light would flash for 60 seconds. I'm not sure what it was supposed to do, but it was sure irritating dropping someone off ot night and having that thing flash half way home, blinding you every other second.

Xavier Corral > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:32

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Did anyone else spot the Turbo-Six logo in this link he posted? As an 87 Grand National owner I must know if that logo actually made it unto the production cars!?

area man > Gweeds 08/26/2014 at 14:34

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Security feature or electrical gremlins?

Jonathan Harper > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:35

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Ah! Thanks, I knew it was lower Manhattan somewhere. The painted line gives it away, we don't have many of those on one-ways uptown.

area man > Fuel_of_Satan 08/26/2014 at 14:36

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My family rented a '91 Bonneville on a trip to Florida when I was a kid. Now that is a fine American motorcar.

nugget-australia > Jonathan Harper 08/26/2014 at 14:37

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There's a similar light blue Park Avenue with a tan interior in the midtown Manhattan. They seem to survive quite well.

Jonathan Harper > nugget-australia 08/26/2014 at 14:38

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Ya I don't doubt it. I've seen a few parked on Riverside drive uptown.

Naijaflavor, I Love Doritos > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:43

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Also in the south:

Bultaco's JMOD TownCar drives his pa to drinkin > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:44

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Is this the triumphant return of DOTS for us jalops?

ninjagin > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:44

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Ugh. I hate that "First-Gen" terminology. Those were the tiny, shrimpy, dinky Park Avenues.

My pop had a '84 (the last year they made them big and long) with the Northstar V8. It was great. Got my first speeding ticket in that boat. Damn, it was classy, and it wasn't badged as an Electra, either — it had only the Park Avenue badge.

Hammerdown > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:44

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Those early 90's full size GM cars with the 3800 were surprisingly hoonable. Maybe the best car for a young kid to have passed down to him. As was the case with me. The one I had has 240000 on it. Had a friend who had one with 255000 miles and we ran the crap out of them. E-brake turns, reverse 180's, plowing through snowdrifts, bumper cars down the highway. I had 6 people in mine one night and somebody bumped the shifter into reverse. at 75 miles an hour. It just slowed down, I put it back in gear. And we kept going. Awesome cars.

Tom 451 > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:44

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Just an FYI - the NYS registration sticker in the window always says what year the car is.

Tom 451 > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:44

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Just an FYI - the NYS registration sticker in the window always says what year the car is.

Tom 451 > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:44

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Just an FYI - the NYS registration sticker in the window always says what year the car is.

SlickMcRick > graham 08/26/2014 at 14:46

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You forgot to mention they also ride on 20in rims bare minimum and have at least one window busted and either replaced by a trash bag or tape. And lets not forget the cheap subwoofers in the trunk. Ask me how I know. Just visit the hoods of DC and you'll see for yourself.

area man > Tom 451 08/26/2014 at 14:46

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Ugh, I can't believe I didn't know that.

Fuel_of_Satan > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:46

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They get a lot of flack, but I liked mine. Enormously comfortable, all the equipment in the world and almost reasonable highway mileage thanks to the lock-up converter pulling the RPM's down to idle.

If yours was an SSE as well it was an almost as unlucky choice of year: 92 and up SSE's were supercharged.

area man > Hammerdown 08/26/2014 at 14:48

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I concur completely. One of my buddies had a '94 LeSabre in high school (The Blue Bu!) and it was a hell of a good time. Man, I miss that car now.

area man > Bultaco's JMOD TownCar drives his pa to drinkin 08/26/2014 at 14:48

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I'll do my best!

Hammerdown > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:51

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I will never forget one winter we took all our cars on the lake after school. I had my 2wd 74 chevy, my friend had is 2wd mid-80's dodge, and the guys having the most fun were in an early 90's park ave. They could go twice as fast as we could and then go spinning into oblivion. (I think I could tell stories all day)

norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:52

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Really? That's how I always figure out what year a car is if I'm unsure. I love ours compared to other states.

bryanska > ninjagin 08/26/2014 at 14:52

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You sure that was a Northstar?

area man > norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback 08/26/2014 at 14:52

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I'm a moron! :(

Race to the cheese > cougarpanther 08/26/2014 at 14:57

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The bucket seats surely came as the tires became lower in profile and wider over the years. It also came around when Boomers were buying up European bucket seated cars, and Gen X were buying SUVs or nothing new. These days in the Southland, rolling in urban interstate traffic, it's a tire arms race when the Lincoln in front of you is rolling on 245/40R19 PSS, moms in Benzes have wide Scorpions, I'm rolling on my R compounds on Monday morning because I'm lazy, the Civic boy has star-specs, ..., nobody wants to drive the car that can't stop or turn in that traffic, and that traffic is becoming normal. Arms race, I say. Back in the day, the speed limit was 55 everywhere, and 200 horsepower was a lot. I think bucket seats came as a response to what most people were buying, but they're now mostly necessary to drive or ride Dixieland. Maybe if I take that line of thinking to it's end, we'll all be rolling with HANS devices in another 20 years. (j/k)

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:58

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Yup. Early 90s.

jpnasto12 > Naijaflavor, I Love Doritos 08/26/2014 at 14:58

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Nice, I've seen a sunset orange boat tail Riv (1971 Buick Riviera) with similar dubs in Wicker Park, Illinois.

ninjagin > bryanska 08/26/2014 at 14:59

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Haven't seen the car in almost 30 years, so not sure-as-shootin', but I do know it had an engine badge on it, and my recollection (perhaps faulty) was it as a Northstar. My point was that the Park Avenue pre-dates these crappy-ass compact cars that are called the "first gen" Park Avenues. The Park Avenue was a real life massive land boat, and they go back at least to the 70s.

norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:59

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Hey, at least you learned something today!

RealRoadNews > area man 08/26/2014 at 14:59

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"an ashtray for every seat"

area man > RealRoadNews 08/26/2014 at 15:01

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exactly

Karamazov > area man 08/26/2014 at 15:03

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I live in Europe, and I really think that US rear lights look much better than Euro lights. And most european seems to think that way, for what I've read in French forums. Some even tried to import US lights, but you need the complete rear panel, really hard to ship.

BTW, I like these cars. As I wanted a REAL american car, I bought a '90 (boxy) Caprice Estate, because RWD (pushrod) V8. But now that I had fun with it and sold it, I might buy a Park Ave'. They were sold here in France, so they are much easier (and cheaper !) to find than the Caprice (actually also sold in France but only until 1979). Then the smaller and more modern engine means more mpg and less taxes.

And now I learn that it is even reliable ! Now I need one.

(or maybe a Jag' X300. Different story.)

area man > Hammerdown 08/26/2014 at 15:05

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I don't think I'll ever forget the smell - a combination of old velour, discarded Big Mac wrappers, and weed with a hint of motor oil. It was a special place. You tend to bond with a car after flying down a dark country road at 90 miles an hour.

Paullubbock > Naijaflavor, I Love Doritos 08/26/2014 at 15:05

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What a heinous abomination.

area man > Karamazov 08/26/2014 at 15:06

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I think it's a grass is always greener situation. You always want what you can't have, especially when it comes to market differences in cars. I was really surprised to discover the thriving European fan base for the Park Avenue though! You guys are alright.

scuderiacello > area man 08/26/2014 at 15:10

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My step father still has his. Well made automobile, without a doubt. Always being a VW owner, I found this car FRIGHTENING to drive 75mph on the Merritt Parkway because of the absence of steering feel.

55_mercury > area man 08/26/2014 at 15:10

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And why is this news? My grandma and zillions of other people own these cars. I bet next week's car will be a 92 Ford Taurus. Whoo-hoo!

Mattbob > area man 08/26/2014 at 15:10

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Great article. I enjoyed reading about a 90's era car designed for old people. Kudos sir.

Thestinkycheese > area man 08/26/2014 at 15:10

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I miss my old Park Avenue, back seat was like a couch and I took full advantage of that in my younger days.

Land_Yacht_225 > area man 08/26/2014 at 15:11

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The Ultras did get a special suspension. Kinda. The Gran Touring Suspension wasn't much different than Dynaride other than stiffer springs and sway bars to my understanding.

On a personal note, I miss my 94 Ultra terribly...sometimes. It was my first car $3000 for 10,000 miles of being in and out of the repair shop for everything under the sun. Although, that was probably just mine. It had a terribly rust problem (to the point of leaving k-frame engine cradle mounts on the garage floor), the transmission was well on it's way out (the way that thing slammed into 1st and reverse was horrifying), the air ride was leaking, my steering rack lost power going right and leaked going left, and every time you hit that beautiful "power brakes" pedal it would spew fluid everywhere. It lasted one final Wisconsin winter and was worth $1000 for trade in on my subsequent 1998 Lincoln Continental. I honestly can't say that my supercharger was working in any capacity really at any point in time. But for a couple of months, that car was pretty awesome. Bright white over gunmetal grey, with the bright blue leather interior with matching headliner. And what other car in that class came with rear vanity mirrors? I mean come on, that's the business right there. Last I saw that poor thing, it got $500 at a local auto auction. I'd get another one, someday. One with a moon-roof and the requisite carriage roof. Mine didn't have those or the heated seats. Did have the useless low speed traction control though

JayDeZ > area man 08/26/2014 at 15:14

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I took my driving test in one of these in 1996. We couldn't use my mom's Windstar because the CT DMV at the time didn't allow you to take the road test in a leased vehicle and my dad's TJ was a manual which I had not yet learned to drive on. We borrowed this from my mom's friend (because they wouldn't let me touch their Grand Wagoneer at the ripe old age of 16).

This one was an Ultra and the nicest car I had driven up to that point in my life. It hat dual zone climate control and an AM/FM tape deck! The fat old DMV tester was more interested in trying to get sports radio on the AM side of it than what I was doing. I passed without an issue and was granted a license to drive my mom's minivan.

what a car.

area man > ninjagin 08/26/2014 at 15:19

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You can argue semantics all you want, but it is standard practice to refer to the first years of an existing nameplate launching as standalone model as the first generation, like with the Crown Victoria.

Arrivederci > bryanska 08/26/2014 at 15:20

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That's what I'm thinking - Northstar V8 production didn't start until the early 90s. Maybe the guy did an epic swap?

sulmanmalik540 > area man 08/26/2014 at 15:20

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last pay check was $9500 working 12 hours a week online. My neighbour's sister has been averaging 15k for months now and she works about 20 hours a week. I can't believe how easy it was once I tried it out.

This is what I do,,,,,,,,,,

www.netjob40.CoM

area man > Land_Yacht_225 08/26/2014 at 15:20

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Glad you don't feel burned. It sounds like you had yourself a basket case, as most owner accounts I've read feature far fewer trips to the shop.

Brian Stieh > area man 08/26/2014 at 15:21

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Drive an hour and a half outside of NYC right inside Pennsylvania. You will see a shit ton of these still rolling around. Along with Caprices.

area man > 55_mercury 08/26/2014 at 15:21

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You don't get it, and I feel for you, man.

Small Meyer > area man 08/26/2014 at 15:21

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THIS is how a Park Avenue should...and could look like. You're welcome.

Small Meyer > area man 08/26/2014 at 15:21

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THIS is how a Park Avenue should...and could look like. You're welcome.

Small Meyer > area man 08/26/2014 at 15:21

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THIS is how a Park Avenue should...and could look like. You're welcome.

Small Meyer > area man 08/26/2014 at 15:21

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THIS is how a Park Avenue should...and could look like. You're welcome.

area man > Small Meyer 08/26/2014 at 15:22

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Beautiful.

Iamopenlyjudgingyou > area man 08/26/2014 at 15:29

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I remember when this platform was all over the place. When new, these cars were great. With a few miles on them and placed in the hands of younger second owners they were even better. These cars are made for hauling friends and family and enjoying something together. Coversation, sights, sounds....farts. it helped that they were pretty good about getting up to speed.

Josh McCullough > ninjagin 08/26/2014 at 15:29

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Not a Northstar. The 84' most likely had a 307. Earlier 5th Gens could also have 350's or 403's.

Kyle > area man 08/26/2014 at 15:32

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My mom had an early 90s Park Avenue Ultra - silver, just like in the post's pictures but with the supercharged 3800. It was actually quite speedy and got decent gas milage as well (Pops boasted about 32 mpg). I learned to drive on it - I remember learning if you floored it would rapidly accelerate and float along while the front would lift a bit. It felt like an airplane taxing on a runway. While I learned to drive on that, I got the complete opposite car a Porsche 914 basket case.

AlleVier > area man 08/26/2014 at 15:35

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OK, the late 80's Electras were a little sad (4 doors and FWD having a role) but damned if the H-body platform didn't produce one of the rarest and silliest "homologation" specials, the LeSabre Grand National. It wasn't a performer, but it certainly was handsome.

Captain_Spadaro > area man 08/26/2014 at 15:36

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I really want an H-body Park Avenue Ultra for some reason...

Captain_Spadaro > Naijaflavor, I Love Doritos 08/26/2014 at 15:37

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area man > AlleVier 08/26/2014 at 15:38

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Totally forgot about this car! A star for you.

Dank-Hill > Hammerdown 08/26/2014 at 15:40

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I had a 99 LeSabre (french for the sabre) with 112,000 on it when I was 16 and drove it for the next 8 years (16-23). That 3800 Series II was incredible. I beat the absolute piss out of that thing and it always asked for more. I believe it was originally a rental car (since there were Avis stickers all over the engine bay). I did encounter the infamous GM 3800 head gasket issue at about 140,000 miles and it needed a new tranny (I got a salvaged one installed for less than $1,000) at 160,000. After I replaced those parts nothing else ever went mechanically wrong with it. I drove that beast to 275,000 miles and the gasket and salvage tranny were perfect until I sold it a few years back. I wish I would have never sold that thing...

I remember the square speedometer very clearly. My favorite part about it was that the speedo only went up to 100mph. I remember one time on a deserted country road I was following a buddy in his girlfriend's Civic. I decided his acceleration was too slow for my tastes and I decided to pin the pedal to the firewall. I quickly got to the 100mph mark and I was suddenly in unknown speed territory and I was still accelerating...after we got to his house I asked him how fast he was going when I floated past him...he replied 115 MPH.

Moral of the story...I wish there were speedometer apps back then like today so I would have known how fast I actually drove the old girl instead of saying IDK at least 100...

albo > area man 08/26/2014 at 15:44

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Those ribbed leather seats are outrageously cushy

You bet. I had my Dad's loaded 1996 Ultra for a few years before it tried to killed me, and my kids thought it was like riding in the best limo ever.

Tramp the pedal and the supercharger did propel you rather quickly. Combine that with the soft suspension and you felt like you were flying.

Dank-Hill > area man 08/26/2014 at 15:45

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On my '99 LeSabre the suspension was the Dynaride...and let me tell you dat ride was quite smooth. The ride was so 'smooth' that, if done correctly, I could make the car look like it had hydraulics, kinda...also if you grabbed the rear wheel well and pulled up and pushed down on the trunk in a constant rhythm you could get 1 wheel to actually come up off of the ground. It was a hoot. I miss that beast.

signintoburnerlol > Sweet Trav 08/26/2014 at 15:49

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Ours died.

About 8 years later.

area man > Dank-Hill 08/26/2014 at 15:50

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Haha that's awesome!

Fed(oo=[][]=oo)uken > area man 08/26/2014 at 15:50

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Very nice and very accurate article. Did enjoy.

Also "..If you can get past the standard clouds of menthol smoke.." Yup, exactly. The smell of every big old Buick I've ever been in. Exact smell of my great aunt's burgundy Park Ave, and the smell of my friend's dad's Century and Park Ave.

Kind of the definitive smell of early 90s American motoring.

Sweet Trav > signintoburnerlol 08/26/2014 at 15:57

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Intake manifold Gaskets?

area man > Fed(oo=[][]=oo)uken 08/26/2014 at 15:57

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Thanks! Glad to bring that memory back for you.

Fed(oo=[][]=oo)uken > area man 08/26/2014 at 16:00

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I think they came from the factory like that.

PTK64 > area man 08/26/2014 at 16:10

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Had a white '91 that I bought in '95, cheap. I wanted as much metal as possible around my wife (it was her car) and baby son. One remarkable thing about it was the fuel economy. We took a trip from Toronto to the US east coast and southward averaging about 30 mpg. Another remarkable thing was the suspension "dynamics". On the same trip, we traveled the Chesapeake Bay bridge/tunnel and hit a suspension harmonic. Had I not changed speeds, we would have had a flying car!

The indestructible 3800/4T60 combo was not so much, and the latter ultimately packed it in at relatively low mileage. I got it rebuilt for $1,200 and soon thereafter traded it in (for...$1,200) on a 1999 Pontiac Montana (piece of junk) since by then we were +2 going on +3 in the kid department, and it seemed like "the thing to do".

ninjagin > area man 08/26/2014 at 16:10

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The only argument I have with you is your contention that this "first gen" (Ugh.) Park Avenue is Jalop-worthy.

It is not.

On the contrary, I submit that it's the perfect evidence of how a classic marque and model (or "trim level") goes into a sad, classless decline into craptitude... wallowing out of the showroom, short and rounded, with an anemic V6, for cram sakes.

It curdles my cream today just as much as it did 25 years ago when I saw this travesty taking place before my eyes.

... and you kids can get the hell off my lawn, dammit.

[shakes fist at clouds]

area man > ninjagin 08/26/2014 at 16:18

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I think 10 years ago you would be correct, but we are now passing a point in time where these things start to look unique and unusual compared to what modern cars have become. I'm not going to deny that the 70's Park Avenue Electras were and are much cooler cars than this will ever be, but sometimes you have to step back and look at what we've lost over the years to appreciate what we had.

area man > PTK64 08/26/2014 at 16:25

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A Pontiac Montana is never "the thing to do."

55_mercury > area man 08/26/2014 at 16:34

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No dude, I totally get it. My Grandmother owns one of these cars. Not sure how young you are, but these are big pieces of shit on wheels. If you want a real boat... get yourself a real boat, ala- 50's caddy or a 70's Lincoln. Not some sorry sack of shit.

area man > 55_mercury 08/26/2014 at 16:36

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OK sure

graham > SlickMcRick 08/26/2014 at 16:37

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Proof that DC and Baltimore do share some traits...

Karamazov > area man 08/26/2014 at 16:53

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Yes, grass is always greener. Same for Miata NA rear panel, we try to get Miata/Eunos roadster panels on our MX5s, but I found out that some US owners adapapt eu Euro rear panel. (also, a friend of mine tries to find a Dodge Magnum SRT8 in France because it's cooler than our Chrysler 300C Touring, but I found out that some Americans swap front ends to get a 300C estate. ;) )

For the "European fan base" it does exist, but in France it's probably not bigger than a handful. :)

Karamazov > Karamazov 08/26/2014 at 16:58

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Also, even front lights look bad in Euro spec Park Avenues.

55_mercury > area man 08/26/2014 at 17:02

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Yes. Look up the engines that are in these things: the 2800 series. These engines are absolutely notorious for blowing their intake manifolds because they decided to make them out of plastic. As they age they start to disintegrate and once that happens the engine can basically self-destruct. That's why I own a car of my namesake, a 55 Mercury which of course is all iron and hence no deteriorating plastic crap.

area man > 55_mercury 08/26/2014 at 17:07

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You can look through this piece and my comment history all you want and you will not find me saying that a 1993 Park Avenue is cooler than a 1976 Park Avenue or a '55 Mercury or literally any other pre-1980 car for that matter (and a good deal of post-1980 cars too). All I am saying is that as time passes these cars deserve to be appreciated in their own right, not in relation to cars from a totally different era.

Also, 3800 series.

ninjagin > area man 08/26/2014 at 17:10

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Okay, then I think we have reached a point where we agree to disagree.

I'm a Buick guy, a Buick Club of America member, and I belong to a reasonably active chapter, and none of us in the chapter — not ONE of us, can stand these 1990s-era abominations. Most of us can hardly bear to speak of them.

This is, I might add (somewhat ironically), is in contrast to how most of us feel about the Reatta — which is as a failed but lovable attempt at a real future-forward luxury 2 seater at basically the same time as they began chopping things short, hobbling their power and rounding them out to look like a gosh-darned Taurus. The Reatta was able to cling to classy while trying to make a grab for the electric dash that we all knew was coming. It was a "bridge" car, and then halfway across the bridge, some important part in the heart of Buick died and withered away. It was hard to be a Buick fan in those years, but at least we got the Reatta at the start of them.

I'll offer this coda to our conversation — it has been getting better. The Buick models over the past couple of years have been very exciting (except that crossover thing, imho, but that's me) and there's a very real and obvious attempt to bring back the marque with fresh styling, and for many of us it's like a soaking rain after a long hot summer.

Boombayadda > area man 08/26/2014 at 17:14

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How the hell is he ever going to pull out of that space? Dude is pulled right up to the rear bumper too, is this a thing that everyone just lives with there?

area man > ninjagin 08/26/2014 at 17:23

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I didn't expect everyone to understand why I wrote about this car, so I appreciate your measured response. I agree that the Reatta is one of the coolest Buicks - make that American cars - from this period. My Buick bona fides are nowhere near your level, and I can appreciate and understand why dedicated fans like yourself and your club members would hate these cars. After all, they cemented the brand's geriatric identity and set the stage for the wall of crap that came a decade later. My praise for the Park Avenue mainly comes from how (to me) it represents one of the last gasps of 20th century American motoring, no matter how weak that breath may have been.

area man > Boombayadda 08/26/2014 at 17:33

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It's a thing, although you're right that he's probably trapped until someone else moves.

SlickMcRick > graham 08/26/2014 at 17:37

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Never thought I'd agree with someone up the beltway but today we have made history by seeing eye to eye. You stay in the city or county?

55_mercury > area man 08/26/2014 at 17:43

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Do they deserve appreciation? In my opinion ( its ok if we differ )they do not. The reason is because it was in this era which started sometime in the mid 80's when GM, Chrysler and Ford caused a lot of damage to their luxury brands.

These big plasticy, bubbly cars were the epitome of the "malaise" era when brands like Buick, Cadillac, Lincoln, and the Chrysler offerings of the time ( New Yorker etc) were allowed to rot on the vine with horribly outdated designs that lacked appeal to anyone who wanted a competent, well-handling luxury sedan.

It has taken GM well over a decade to resurrect Cadillac from the ashes from the big boats it was making in the 90's to cars like the ATS and CTS of today and they are STILL having to beat down the perception that still haunts them from the malaise period. Lincoln is a shadow of itself happy to churn out re-badged Fords. And Buick? They've got a serious identity crisis.

Now- I will admit that I have a soft sport for big floaty Buicks since that's the ONLY brand my Grandmother will ever own ( she is now pushing 93 ) and growing up I have fond memories of riding along with her to the beach. But even as a kid I thought these things were like riding on pillows and the interior had a kind of cheapness to them.

graham > SlickMcRick 08/26/2014 at 17:59

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Ha! In the city (north)...